What’s Up With Dick Pics?*

No wish to see dick pics

*NOTE – This article contains mature language and content.

As a single lady, trying to find romance in this ever developing technological world, I was recently at the old game of Tinder, yet again. Tinder may have originally started as a “hook up” app, and while it surely can be used for that, I see many singles using it differently: to connect with others when they move, to find outdoor adventure buddies, or to find a date for an upcoming wedding (RISKY!). It appears the general attitude is “if something clicks, right on, if not, meeting new people and going on dates is fun.”

Now, more than ever, we have numerous dating apps and ways to communicate via social media. This is not an exhaustive list:

  • Bumble (“The classy Tinder” – woman have to chat first.)
  • Bagel Meets Coffee (I’ve never tried this one, but every day the app matches you to someone new you might be interested in.)
  • Hatch (This one may be a little newer. You have the ability to like, or comment, on a profile photo, video, or commentary. Bonus there is no geographic restrictions.)
  • Instagram (An interactive platform to post pictures, and “stories” of your life, as well as chat with others. You can easily present a certain “vibe.”)
  • Facebook (Pretty much anything you want, groups, events, pictures, status updates, chat, marketplace, the list goes on.)
  • Snapchat (Send pictures and videos to specific individuals for a time limit of 1-10 seconds.)
  • Twitter (An all inclusive format to get news or hot button issues that are “trending,” provide commentary, and participate in an active dialogue with what’s going on, AS it’s going on.)
  • What the heck else am I missing….?

The part that keeps hanging me up though, is the amount of dick pics that are sent to women unsolicited on these platforms. Was the internal dialogue of the penis owners along these lines – “I know! I’ve got it! I’m gonna send a picture of my dick to this person.”

AT WHAT POINT WAS THAT EVER A GOOD IDEA!?!?!?!

I recently matched a seemingly fine human being on Tinder. After striking up an initial conversation using Tinder chat, I asked for the individual to send me picture of the interior of the van they had renovated. I have some serious #VanLife goals and ambitions in my future. Because Tinder does not allow you to send photos, this seemingly fine human asked for my number. I gave it, not feeling threatened or strange about the interaction. After sending my number, I sent one more text, three words, “No Dick Pics.” This seemly fine human promptly responded “Not my style” and I wrote back “Phewwwww”, joking, but also relieved at their response and wondering WHY do I have to set this standard and boundary at all….?

This seemly fine human and I continued chatting about vans, camping, mountain biking, ninja kicks, and dick pics. He sent me the above photo, which I thought was brilliant and hilarious, but also necessary….. My response to this image included “sad that no one wants to see penis, but so very true.” I went on to describe one hiccup I had early on in online dating. A Tinder Dude asked me to chat him in another forum so he could send me a video. Honestly, the details are grey and gone at this point, but what I do remember was this Tinder Dude stroking his penis, attempting to croon my name (thank goodness I have a challenging name to say!). It was gross and offensive, and provided a learning opportunity to me – set boundaries early and often.

As this seemly fine human and I continued to banter, I took a leap of faith, at the expense of him ditching me immediately due to my candid questions. I dove in, “Now I’m curious, would it be equally as offensive if women sent dudes muff photos right out of the gate? Why do dudes (and yes I’m making a MASSIVE generalization) think they should send dick pics? At what point was that a good idea?” I was curious, if I could answer this question maybe I would better understand why men pull their penises out at work….? (Note* Don’t be alarmed, I cannot tell you how many penis pulling stories I have heard from the workplace. I am definitely kidding, alarm is a good thing. Please do not EVER pull your genitals out at work. Duh.) I continued on, “I’m really not trying to make you uncomfortable and we can stop talking about nudity photos. I’m pretty open and interested in these things based on my line of work and I also know that most people do not spend their 9 to 5 talking about sexuality, sexual harassment, and/or sexual violence.” This seemingly fine human responded “I’d be weirded out for sure [if a women sent a muff photo]. It takes more than this to make me uncomfortable.” The conversation continued and this seemingly fine human upgraded in my books to a Stand Up Dude. Yeah for Tinder!

The following week I found myself in yet another conversation about dick pics with a good friend of mine, who is also a High School teacher. Apparently kids get sent to the office WEEKLY for sending nude photos via one of the numerous apps I mentioned above. Where are young men getting the message that they should send pictures of their penises to women they go to school with? Of course taking a picture of ones penis is easy and simple, but the part I find terrifying is that our youth has NO IDEA THIS IS SEXUAL HARASSMENT!!!???? What are we teaching our kids?

This friend went on to tell me that her roommate had come home the day before and reported that a client in the Physical Therapy office had his penis hanging out of his shorts that day. HIS PENIS HANGING OUT OF HIS SHORTS!?!?!?! Worse, this young women debated at great length whether she should tell her supervisor. What messaging are we giving young women that they should not report a penis at work? Why do I have to tell someone I met online not to send me a picture of their penis?

I will say there can be a time and place for nude photos, when asked for and freely given. And, out of the gate, some individuals might desire dick and muff photos (all the more power to ya). In general, I strongly recommend that everyone should wait for these things to be asked for. And for heaven’s sake, can we keep bare, exposed penises out of the workplace? I can guarantee that is NEVER a good idea.

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